Today was Eid Al-Adha. Unfortunately, I couldn't pray, and I'm also sick. Nevertheless, I had a good time with my family.
One thing I did today was feed some kids on my street. Their names were Yuri and Markus. Yuri was 15 while Markus was 14. They're young. Really young. It's easy to brush off beggers and homeless people, but I don't want to do that anymore. I'll admit that I spent more than what's sustainable if I choose to do this again, but I won't regret it.
I'll also intend my actions to be for Allah because I didn't really think of Him consciously when I did it.
I have a lot, Alhamdullilah. I have a roof over my head. Good family. Good friends. Good experiences. Good everything. Most of my struggles come internally whether through depressive phases or incessant overthinking and dissatisfaction. It felt wrong to look these kids in the eyes and pretend I can't help. It's wrong. To dismiss them. To judge them. To not care. I don't want to do that. I don't want them to live their lives feeling like that's all people will ever to do them. I don't want them to be degraded to less than a person.
It's easy to look away. It's so easy that it's terrifying. I can't help everyone. If I keep spending on strangers the same way I did today, I'll have nothing. But, at the same time, that's the situation they are already in.
Still, this money is my parents'. I will endeavor to help, but I won't be heedless in the way I do it. I have to set budgets, limits, and boundaries. Once I can provide for myself, then maybe those restrictions can loosen. For now, this is the way I'll operate.