I feel genuinely shit right now. Like so fucking sad and hopeless. I regret quitting only because I lost what made me feel like I was worth something in my life. I say that knowing that I was probably on track to killing myself because of the amount of me I would give to them. I feel a chasm in my being, one that can only be satisfied by achievements, acknowledgement, and praise. I need to be excellent or I need to die. I'm tired of pretending I'm okay. I'm tired of pretending that I don't regret, even slightly, my resignation.
I don't like my current counselor. Like at all. I kind of get what he's saying. That I need to work on my current responsibilities. And my distaste to his advice might be more of a testament to my character, but I genuinely felt like the weakest person I knew when he told me that my resignation could imply a pattern. I already told bro that I was feeling regrets and feared I only took on my new responsibilities to replace my old ones. He told me to see them through no matter how much I don't like them? Because I can't keep quitting things just when they get stressful. I don't know. His words have objective value, but it WAS NOT what I was looking for in a counseling session. What more is that I never viewed my resignation in that light. I didn't quit just cause it got hard, but it hurt so much to hear someone view it like that.
idgaf about my quizzes and responsibilities honestly. i'm so done with everything it's incredibly concerning.
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